John Duncan: Mathemagician

John Duncan can't stop computing! He's done it again, tallying up our present per-nugget donation rate.

Johnny-Boy, what have we got?

"As the site stands now, we are at $1.98 per Nug!"

You heard it here first. For every nugget down the hatch, a buck-ninety-eight goes to a worthy cause.

Can we please get to an even $2?

Click here for more information on where the donations are going.

It's Real

Hello and, yes, it's really happening.

The two-headed courier team of James Sathre and Nino Ellington have made the drop! The cash has been deposited at the local McD's and the nuggets are ordered!
They really take a bite with that shady "Eat-In Tax" business, don't they. Regardless, all systems are Go!

Order #440! Pick up!

"So, I pick up the ball and throw it to who?"

James Sathre of Team Nugget Support just went to McDonald's to lay the groundwork. Here's how it went, in James' own words:

So I just had a wonderful conversation with the manager at McDonalds. It went something like a Who’s On First-type routine.

James: "Can I get 600 chicken McNuggets?"
Manager: "No problem. What time?"
James: "Thursday of this week at noon."
Manager: "What time, though?"
James: "Noon."
Manager: "Yes, but what time at noon…..1, 2, 3……?"
James: "Twelve in the afternoon, during the lunch hour…?"
Manager: "Yes, but what time at noon?"

Even some old guy in line chimed in, and this was the manager! Anyways, the deed has been done. Get ready for 600 McNuggets!

We'll probably wind up with Filet-O-Fish, but whatever. We'll make it work.

Special thanks to James for heading into the heart of darkness.

"Oooh, Ronald...."

The ladies love Ronald McDonald and this photo explains it more plainly than any words ever could.

Player Profile: Chad Vernon

"My room is such a pig sty
My floor has never been swept,
But I've got a @#$%-off attitude
And that's something that should be kept!"

- V.F.W., by The Dead Milkmen

What does this have to do with Chad Vernon? Zero. When I was younger, I had to mow my parents' lawn and I listened to The Dead Milkmen's Big Lizard In My Backyard album on my Walkman every dang time. It's a true punk rock classic and I finally remembered to buy it on CD and listened to it on the way to the office today.
Anyway, back to Chad Vernon. What can you say about The Gladiator, the man who conquered Rome with nothing but running sandals, a loin cloth, and a sword? Do you have to say anything? I should probably say something, huh.

On first glance, one would have to mention that Chad seems to be the most physically fit participant and that's nothing against the other gents. Chad works out four times a day for two-and-a-half hours in an attempt to make himself as titanic as the Colossus of Rhodes. It won't be easy, since the Colossus stands 107 feet high, but eating sixty nuggets in sixty minutes won't be easy, either, and you don't see The Gladiator shying away from that challenge now, do you?

Well, do you, punk?

60 In 60's Most Valuable

With so many titans duking it out for supremacy, you'd be hard-pressed to pick the Most Important participant. I can guarantee you that you would guess incorrectly, though, regardless of who you chose.

The correct answer is this man:

This, my friends, is Joe D'Amato. Joe's momma didn't raise no dummy, therefore Joe will not be eating sixty nuggets.

"Well," you might ask, "how can he be Most Valuable if he's not even chowing down on artificially flavored chicken bits?" The answer is simple: Joe has volunteered - volunteered! - to...to...jeepers, I don't know how to put it delicately enough, so I'll use Joe's own words:

"I will standby with rubber gloves, paper towels, and receptacles, and will dispose of the output..."

I don't think that I need to define the word output as Joe is using it here. I also don't think that anyone reading this would argue about the value of Joe's sacrifice. He's basically jumping on a grenade that hasn't even been thrown.

Let's all show Joe some love by leaving some comments for him here, shall we? I, for one, can't thank him enough.

Huzzah!