Player Profile: Brad Watkins

Brad Watkins is quite possibly the most unstable player in the game. I know that's hard to swallow - pun intended! - after seeing Gerald's profile, but it's true. Affectionately known as Swamp Thing, Brad is a creature of the night, patrolling the hallways long after all of you sucker MCs are safely tucked in your beds at night. Brad works the night shift not by choice, but by necessity. Employee safety was a major consideration when he was hired and the night shift was created entirely and exclusively for Brad.

Swamp Thing hadn't eaten at McD's for years before this event came up. You know why? Because he subsisted entirely on human flesh! You think I'm lying? Fine. Stick your finger in his face and try counting to ten afterwards. Nine will be as high as you could hope to go.

The good news is that he's got a softer side, just like Sears. If he winds up finishing his sixty nuggets first and proving his superiority, he plans on going to Disneyland. Isn't that cute?

In the end, though, I'm afraid of Swamp Thing. Come Thursday, the odd mixture of piles of meat, a crush of humans, and Brad out of his nighttime element could be the equivalent of mashing all of the carnage in the Friday The 13th movie series into a single ninety minute feature.

Watch yourselves and keep your hands in your pockets.